Just had a quick look on Digg.com and a story is making a rising star of itself in the Videos. It's from the old TechTV show 'The Screen Savers' and has Martin Sergeant and Leo Laporte pulling a site apart for it's totally false, misguided and insane 'How to tell if your son is a hacker' section.

The site the story is on is here.

Whilst the video of their mirth can be found here.

I particularly like the irony of the opening gambit of "As an enlightened, modern parent"; only to then go on to prove just how unenlightened and backwards the "T Reginald Gibbons" was (this article dates to December 2001).

Lets take a look at his list of indicators

1. Has your son asked you to change ISPs?

It would appear that instead of potentially suggesting changing ISP for better service or lower costs; this would be a clear indicator that you 'son' is trying to get away from AOL's 'child safety filter' and trying to get onto a 'hacker friendly ISP'. Because their are ISP that are responsible and trusted (if not easy to leave).

I think the very first hacking attack I warded off was from an AOL customer. But I digress. Clearly these are the words of an idiot. But lets continue.

2. Are you finding programs on your computer that you don't remember installing?

Clearly a would be hacker would require to install the necessary root-kit / virus / phishing development kit in order to carry out their illegal activity.

But no. According to this genius the following pieces of software are (and I quote exactly) "Popular hacker software.."

Comet Cursor was a program that allowed you to change your cursor in Windows. It has it's own story covered better here.
Bonzi Buddy was a little application that helped you search the internet. Again, it has its own controversy. But it's not a hacker toolkit!
Flash - Yes, you read that right. Macromedia Flash. That favourite development tool for hackers. Quite why Macromedia didn't sue this guy is a mystery to me. But as this is getting light on Digg... you can only hope.

3. Has your child asked for new hardware?

He writes "Computer hackers are often limited by conventional computer hardware. They may request "faster" video cards, and larger hard drives, or even more memory."

Because hackers find it often necessary to have the latest 3D card in order to launch a DOS attack. Worse still....

"If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well."

Now clearly this guy has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT. Firstly, AMD ISN'T a third-world company and it's processors should not be considered 'knock-off' copies. Even in 2001 was totally false and it's not changed today.

There are NO disabled security features in AMD chips over Intel because there are NO enabled security features TOO disable.

I've passed this page onto AMD. I hope they take this guy to the cleaners.

4. Has your child been reading hacker manuals?
And perhaps hanging around 'hacker coffee shops'. Now in case you think that he's hit on something. Lets check out the titles.

"Snow Crash" and "Cryptonomicon" by Neal Stephenson; both are works of fiction. They therefore contain little or nothing of any use... and are perhaps not even good reads.

"Neuromancer" by William Gibson; Is a complete work of fiction in which the main character Henry Dorsett Case is 'jacked' right into cyberspace in order to hack. So if you find your son with the mouse stuffed into his ear.....

"Programming with Perl" by Timothy O'Reilly; Because ALL hackers use Perl right? What a muppet.

The list goes on and none of it would prove effective.

5. How much time does your child spend using the computer each day?

If your child spends more than 30 minutes a day... they might be hacking. Or doing their homework, or listening to music, or playing a game. My favourite part of this is that he thinks DOSing a site involves gaining a command prompt access to other peoples website. Where of course DOS in this sense means Denial Of Service in which a site is washed out by communication traffic from bogus zombie machines; this making the site unable to response to true users.

6. Does your son use Quake?

Now this totally blows my mind. It would appear that 'Quake' is a "virtual reality used by hackers". Has this guy actually ever SEEN a computer? According to our genius; its a training ground for hackers. Personally, I thought it was first person shooter. But then robo-brain comes up with.... "If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school." - WTF!

7. Is your son becoming argumentative and surly in his social behaviour?

And lets fact it, if your dad was this insane... you would be!

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

Yes, you read it right. Lunix. Which he then goes on to describe as an illegal hacker operating system written by a Soviet computer hacker during the cold war. It was stolen from Microsoft who wrote Xenix for the US Goverment. It can also be used to break into peoples computer systems to steal credit card numbers and into peoples stereos to steal their music using MP3 program.

It's at this point that I think the author is either
a) Having a joke.
b) Insane.
c) Never even SEEN a computer and one of those people who writes messages on walls using their own excrement.

He, your son, might install it without you noticing (seems VERY unlikely). But you should keep an eye out for LILO during windows startup.

9. Has your son radically changed his appearance?

Watch out for glow sticks. Or perhaps he's just trying to avoid being recognised as your son mate!

10. Is your son struggling academically?

Either because he's a hacker or he's the son of somebody who wholeheartedly believes the world was created 25 years ago by a goat.

Apparently over-exposure to computer radiation can cause schizophrenia and I can only assume that T Reginald Gibbons must have spent his formative years locked in a computer lab.